So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
Europe's "the final countdown" was playing. It was pretty much amnesty for anything that might happen the rest of the night. It's a rule.
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
The streets are paved with hand jobs
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