Too bad my picture didn't come thru. It was one of me naked riding a unicorn with a wizard hat and a magic staff. And the unicorn had wings. And me too.
He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
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It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
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I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
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