Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
That's why Kanye is a gay fish.
dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
he has been on a 2 week bender, has been homeless for a week and a half, and leaves for madagascar in 2 days. Do we worry or is that normal?
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
Randomize
