god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
you're just mad because in the hogwarts world I'm Harry and you're Ron. get over it.
Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
WHY WONT HOT GETMAN MAKR PUPR WITH ME!!!!???!?!!
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
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