I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
Its Shannon Doherty lazy not Forest Whittaker lazy
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
Nice classy night out before we roll our faces off
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
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