She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
No dude, you can't hot box a bus shelter.
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
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She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
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apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
-367$ and a torn scrotum.. Panama wins
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