i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
she has double-d's AND she knows what level Pidgeot evolves. don't tell me she's not a keeper
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
I just gave my mom some ones that look like they've probably been in some strippers cooter. Oops.
Haha. Just tell your mom not to smell them
Hey mom, most of this money I'm giving you is in ones. Don't ask why and whatever you do don't smell them.
Sounds legit to me.
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
Sex in a hot air balloon, top that one!
Giiirrrllll. Back to back snaps of dicks. Two different guys sent me their dick at the same time. This is totally what our founding fathers meant with life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
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