it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
You don't understand, Single Ladies is like the Don't Stop Believing of the gay community.
He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
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jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
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That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
I just saw a kid on iowa campus story that looked like the guy i made out with on spring break.
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
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