No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
Randomize
