Ha. No worries! So loud here &god I love drag queens! How does it happen, the congealing?
No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
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