hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
you definitely made a grilled cheese using your iron..
ya and it worked didnt it??
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
Tequila me may have very bluntly told him that I wanted to touch his abs.
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
Randomize