I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
She is singing the swedish chef song and throwing utensils. I love this place
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
Randomize
