Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
tuscaloosa is terrifying
like people here are just empty shells of drugs and sin
there is no mercy here
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
I'm like, not good at living.
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
Randomize
