I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
This boy just came into class wearing sperrys and a polo but also carrying a longboard. I'm unequivocably attracted to his level of doucheyness.
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
Randomize
