some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
My vagina supports interfraternal relations
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
Randomize
