Dude, I just had an awesome rave/orgy with like bunch of hot Asian chicks on a cable car. It was like being in a Gwen Stefani video, cept w/o the bad spelling
God, I love San Francisco.
You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
Welll when you have a beer at 8:30 am you've already decided whaat kind of Sunday it ism
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
Dude. 21 days till I'm 21. It's the 21 day countdown. The 25 days of Christmas can suck my dick.
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
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