Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
She announced her abortion via fbk
i just uploaded three hundred pictures and you had your shirt off in two hundred and ninety of them
the remaining ten - you weren't in
my phone cant type all the emotion im having
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
Randomize
