im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
They keep asking what you are doing. I told them to quit calling her "what."
You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
Only time and a comprehensive case study of all of your relationships will tell.
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
Randomize
