her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
I bet Jafar would keep his hat on during
Forget abc fam drinking games. Take a shot everytime Tyra says I and you'll be dead by the first commercial
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
whatever it's my dick and i'll put it wherever i want
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
I wish there were birth control emojis
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
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