eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
I'm fascinated by her cleavage. She has deep cleavage, but no obvious boobage to speak of. Check it out.
Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
No no no. When you take one for the team, there are no stipulations or conditions
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
Randomize
