It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
Randomize
