So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
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