Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
She was perfectly content just sitting in the middle of everyone blowing bubbles in the air.
Then she cat effected the picture of my dick I sent her the other night. I'm in love.
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
Randomize
