Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
I obviously couldn't but this on your fbook wall. I would get judge. I would willingly get tbagged by him. You can quote me on that.
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
Randomize
