Hello, balls-out mistake. It's been a while.
HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
When I say rough sex, and show you scars from past encounters, pulling my hair a little IS NOT GOING TO CUT IT. And he just doesn't understand.
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
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