Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
its all coming back to me in waves....waves of humiliation and nausea.
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
Well, I made it thru a doorway, so I think things are going good.
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
This is a test message to see whether or not the recipient is alive.
Randomize
