My room smells like vodka and shame
suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
Where are you guys?
Drunk
Randomize
