i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
I am the murdurer of this scooby doo episode
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
Randomize
