Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
it hurts more in the daytime
Fiestas. Its like a classier verson of mardi gras.
Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
Nope, didn't see her. We left when you told us you were going to make the " big beef burrito supreme" even more supreme and you took your dick out.
Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
Randomize
