my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
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