Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
Randomize
