As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
It's not a walk of shame if you run
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
spent the night holding naked strippers up for keg stands and doing endless amounts of body shots. good game 8am final exam.
whats an extra semester when you've already been in college for 6 years?
Randomize
