I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
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