and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
He just canceled. I got an amazing new dress and now he’s decided he’s spending the weekend with his family
In other news, there’s some rando in an expensive hotel bar who is going to get very lucky tonight because I love the way this dress makes my tits look. Want to help me find him?
Randomize
