i already hear my dad disowning me
My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
HOnestly. That's my one goal for this whole trip. I don't give a shit about souvenirs or sand. I want penis.
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
Tbh you just need to fuck it out like I don't know another solution
FUCK WHALES
Hypothetically speaking, if a girl asks you to fuck her wearing only your hockey helmet, is that socially acceptable?
It's not just going to appear. A lot of blood, sweat, tears, and leg work went into finding a cock that amazing!
Randomize
