She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
Its like we are women, and boise state is a gangster rap song. This game is degrading
It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
Pretty sure this radio station is run by a cult. Good thing it's in Spanish, can't brainwash someone who can't understand you.
Randomize
