just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
Dude I've kinda accepted I may leave Nola with the clap.
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
I just took a plan B pill with my preworkout. That's the level I'm on today.
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
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