this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
i think we should start 2012 by becoming clean and sober for awhile and buckle down
ppsyche im wasted where are you
I just want to be naked all the time but not in a sexual, come-hither and look at my ass sort of way. In a slightly chubby yet not ashamed way as I eat Taco Bell and lay on soft fuzzy blankets.
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
I just fuked with kevins application and made it say that he does conjugal visits for community service
hey some people donate their time while apparently kevin donates his body
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
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