this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
So I just bought e from my sophomore home ec teacher. How's your weekend going?
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
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