Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
Also I smoked away my sore throat last night. It's a 420 miracle.
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
That married penis I’ve been riding offered to pay off my student loans. I was going to break it off because he has lousy stamina. Is being debt free worth putting up with mediocre sex?
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
Randomize
