Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he just asked if we wanted to go to an arts and crats club with him tomorrow. every day it becomes harder for me to defend his sexuality
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
he was high. i was rolling face. we were both wearing grateful dead t shirts. at that point it's like we had no choice but to fuck
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
is that a dick in a sweater?
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
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