I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
Randomize
