i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
I just met his other fuck buddy...I am thinking of befriending her just to fuck with him...manuplating my roommates into hating each other is boring me i need something else to do
nothing says roomie bonding better than a sunday shroom trip.
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
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