2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
Randomize
