if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
The best part about the NBA starting up is I get to see Charles Barkley make a fool out of himself for 8 months
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
Thank you for not boning my boss.
All hell broke loose. When the police showed up, this kid somehow haggled with a cop to let him pee in public. I'm convinced he could talk the panties off of a nun
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
Randomize
