I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
It's a 2 hour train ride a 7 in the morning, of course we're bringing alcohol
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
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