The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
I don't believe these are real court rooms. They look absolutely nothing like law and order.
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
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