she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
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