We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
this kid sitting diagonally in front of me is searching "cheap bongs" on google. hahahhaaha. who does this kid think he is?
Although, she is an extremely cool person. She put the "buddy" in "fuck buddy." And I mean that in the most respectful way possible.
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