Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
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he sent me a pic of his dick and balls out with sunglasses over them like a face. i was at dinner.
do you still have it? i kinda want to see.
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
Is there a word in the English dictionary for impressed, yet disgusted?
I think the word you're looking for is flabbergasted.
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
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I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
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