he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
I have a love/hate relationship when men come within a 10 minute time frame.
you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
Randomize
