Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
You don't have anything to lose--we've established that he's not going to murder you and he smells good.
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
Randomize
