I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
He is going to sleep with me. That's all there is to it. I'm 4 for 4 right now. I'm not making it 4 for 5.
his profile picture is him throwing up "#1" hands after his lax championship next to his coach that i fucked....embarrasing for him, yet ironically beautiful for me.
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
I think i morst likely have 95 %patulas for hands and probably i also went to eGypt with so manyfriends. We laids in the sarcaphoguses.
You sound pretty unsure about all of this.
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
Randomize
