Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
2 nights ago she wants to see other people, tonight she wants to have a threesome. The GOOD kind of threesome. So... win?
just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
is it just my freshly shaved vagina or is the guy at the end of the table pretty cute??
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
Randomize
