i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
There was a picture of him proposing on the night stand and their dog watched, but I can't help myself, his dick is just so perfect.
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
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