Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
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I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
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In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
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