i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
i just bought weed at the top of a mountain, best decision of our lives to go to school in colorado.
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
Interesting, I was always told to run away from crazy, but you seem to think we should run towards them dick first.
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
My mom said "I saw the signs you guys were high, so I made the spaghetti"....so ya, I'd say she definitely knew
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