Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
Randomize
