i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
I don't care how bad it tastes, i just put it in my mouth and deal with it
she said it was okay because they were "professional" nude pictures of her on the internet
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
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