I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
I told my mom happy mother's day then rubbed my belly and said "Oh, and happy grandmother's day too..." She started sobbing. You were right, that wasn't the best way to tell her.
i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
She screams like she's just fallen out of a helicopter when she cums.
He came when he saw that my nipples were pieced
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
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